So here I am, week 2...reviewed chapter 2 in Real Happiness...cued up the guided body scan meditation that Sharon tweeted today...laid down in bed...and pressed play.
Immediately I am hit with a slight uncomfortable feeling: I don't think I like laying down for meditation, at least tonight I don't. OK, deep breath and relax. Top of the head - neutral feeling, maybe a slight tingly sensation. Scanning the face - neutral again. Top of the head again, work down the sides of the face - neutral. Neck - neutral. Shoulders - neutral. Back - neutral. Stomach - yeah, I could soften that a little.
BOOM - lost in thought, story, plans...I don't really remember, but boy was it a ride. The next thing I know the meditation is over. Was there even a bell? I don't know...
If one thing has stuck in my head over this last week...the #RealHappiness #MeditationChallenge (correct hashtags, yo!), the blogging, reading other blogs...it was the instruction to start over, again and again. So, my practice tonight wasn't I intended. My practice tonight included the monkey mind entertaining a visit from Mara. Eh, big deal. I can start over, again and again. I see you Mara! No need to beat myself up, judge myself and label myself a "bad meditator". I do believe I have practiced enough Metta and forgiveness to give myself a break.
"Right now, it's like this." - Ajahn Sumedho
Another thing I've learned along the way is that if something is hard for me to do, then it probably means I REALLY need to do it, especially when it comes to my meditation practice. I'm excited to have something to work with this week....laying down, walking, whatever. I can start over, again and again. It's totally OK. I'm totally OK. Whoever is reading this is SO totally OK.
It's almost midnight here in California and I feel honored to be a part of this. I might just go to bed, I may sit again, or I might read for awhile. Whatever I choose, I still care for myself, deeply.
Right now, it's like this.
Against the Stream