Be, Be, Be….That’s all I can think of as I complete my third solid week of meditation. I realize more and more how important it is to keep my meditation practice going on a daily basis. As I have said before I did sway from my practice for some time, it wasn’t happening every day, and for the last two months I may have meditated twice. The Vow I took to do this meditation marathon, I took seriously, so instead of being the slacker who misses here and there, I have been a solid like Liz Lemon. I have not strayed at all.
Through this daily meditation process and as the days progressed, I have read similar notes from others about the angst of emotions that we are all going through as we continue this marathon. I thought it should be a peaceful journey, but I think to all of us it has been a bit of an emotional test. What we forget about meditating on a daily basis is that instead of creating a illusion when we are faced with what we feel is an unjust reality, we must finally face up to reality. Creating illusions is just another word for aversion, we all do it. I read others in the marathon group as well as my self coming up with significant emotions that felt like sharp needles in ones side. That's when I realized that this daily meditation creates a practice that stops us from creating illusions that we so normally do and forces us to face up to being our true selves in our true world, where being who we are is more important than perpetuating any illusion that has not truth in reality.
For me I think the angst I have been feeling, but have been trying to clear up, comes from the illusions I had created in my mind when I was not meditating. Our illusions are the reality that we create, when we don't want to deal with reality. We create illusion after illusion until life feels good. Then when the rug gets pulled out from under us, we think why? We weren't living in truth.
Life is hard and we have so many ways to avert or divert reality. It is painful, my illusions of life are a hell of a lot more fun than any reality I live. For instance I just started my own business, “accessuri.com”. I have only been live for about two months, but my expectations of where it should be and the reality of where it is, are so far off, I don’t know how someone could be that far from reality.
The funny thing is I wanted to start my business, one that is truly about every aspect of myself, my designs, my fashion, my business skills, every part of me is in this business. Yet I have decided in the two short months that my business has been live, I should now cover Vogue next to Marc Jacobs and Vera Lang. Those are the illusions I have created, they may come true but in this reality it may be years, if not forever. So why don’t I just be… BE the person that I always dreamed of being, the designer I now am, a founder, a woman business entrepreneur, but yet I still get caught up in a result. That result is only an illusion as to what I should expect, its not reality.
So instead of enjoying every aspect of being part of this business, I am worried if I made the right choice, so I stop that worry with an illusion of total success that is much further than any reality on this earth. Did I just create my own suffering or did I just decide that it’s the best way to avoid pain.
With daily meditation those illusions are starting to fade, and the reality of all that I am doing is not so bad. It’s the avoidance of it, the creating an illusion of it, so well who wants to face all those anxieties and fear anyway.
Now that I am meditating, we all are and we are becoming more aware of ourselves, our being, and our reality. Those illusions are starting to fade, and although the daily meditation started with much emotion, I see now it was about going through those happy illusions to get to the solid reality. Which at the end of the day is the same, its the difference between attaining the result of an illusion or just being who you are.
- Rachana Suri