My husband and I flew to California Saturday night with our 2 dogs. The trip was smooth. Rio, a Labrador retriever, appeared in baggage claim at LAX with his usual May You Be Happy smile. We woke in our friend’s guest room to pacific songbirds and warm air. This died and gone to heaven moment kept up through the day as I gasped at the colors , vegetation and California.. Everything changes. The Patriots loss that night was a harsh reminder. We have come for the intention of doing work and getting healthy. Rebooting, I call it. I have a rewriting deadline that I am eager to begin. I scanned the Internet and found a house in the mountains. A place with a room to work. All the comments said that the house was so much better than the pictures showed so I had confidence we had chosen well. When we arrived yesterday early evening I followed the instruction to retrieve the key inside the lock box attached to the meat stained BarBQ. In the small back yard a tire swung on a chain from the oak tree. Reminiscent of a tire I had seen in a baboon cage at the Bronx Zoo. A few plastic children’s toys and garbage strewn across the yard. I feel a tightening in my gut. This was not turning out as I had hoped. The front door swung open and the house room by room began to upset me. There was no cozy workroom, no desk lamp, and no space that I could find to feel safe or settle into. The toilet did not flush and the house was cluttered with someone else’s taste. In meditation this morning I wanted to focus on emotion. The sensation of unease I had felt all night and morning was tightening in my pelvis and ran along my arms. As I repeated, “May I be happy” I felt the choice before me: hold onto the incessant thoughts of my renter’s remorse or allow myself to be released into a letting go which was free of time and especially space. That is the present.