My older self looking at my younger self

I am deeply grateful for Sharon’s comment.  Thank you Sharon.  I feel a glimmer of hope.  

My busy mind has a question.  How can I know if I am using right effort if I have attempted to split the wood 50, 60, or 99 times and it hasn’t split?

I am not sure what I think about this post, but I will post it anyway.
Sometimes I have weird thoughts when meditating.  Well, I could probably put it in perspective, it cannot be that weird because if I have thought I know others who have also had it.  I have moments of feeling that time does not exist.  Or that the past, present, and future are here now, all at once.  Sometimes I feel as though I am my older self, I am my older self looking back on myself.  The older self misses or mourns the moment in my life (where my current self is right now) when I am in the process of growing, changing, and fumbling about in naivety.  
For all that I wish to be free of my shackles, at the same time it is as if there is something sweet about experiencing a broad range of emotion and fumbling around mindlessly, and I think that this is part of what I hold onto.  Part of it is that I do not want to let go.

I agree with what you said Sarah. Something i like about meditation is that all my emotions, thoughts, feelings become so real. I can go no where but to face them right there.Sitting allows me to have a glimpse of what’s there .. that moment … It can be messy and I might not like what I see, feel, think. But I guess I need to try accepting everything that is . It is like a good inner workout.These days, I find it very hard to sit in the morning for an hour straight, so I have cut it down to twenty-thirty minutes. Well, will go with the flow. Meditation has become part of my life, just like drinking water in the morning. I try not to think too much about what I drink and why. I assume that it is a part of maintaining my health and keep me survive. Sometimes, I might not drink enough water but nonetheless I survive …  Still i wish I have drank enough so that my body can be well nourished and balance. I will do what i can …



I love this notion of your older self looking at your younger self, of past, present and future all merging. I have that same experience when I meditate. And when I went to a mikvah, or Jewish ritual bath, the woman who instructed me beforehand taught me that many people believe a woman's past, present and future all swirl about together in the holy waters. An Arurvedic healer, trained in Tibetan medicine, also taught me that Tibetans believe everything is happening at the same time, but that our brains put a past, present and future to things.

It all gets very trippy!

Thank you

Yay, thanks Priscilla.  Sometimes I wonder where feelings and thoughts like this come from. It is comforting to hear of others who talk about this.

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Comments by this author

grand central poem    Feb 6, 2013

I saw that poem about Grand Central on the train, too! It's so nice finding...

Thank you    Feb 19, 2012

Yay, thanks Priscilla.  Sometimes I wonder where feelings and thoughts like this...

That was contagious, I caught    Feb 3, 2012

That was contagious, I caught it in your words!  Thank you Elesa