These last few days, I have been restless. Tossing and turning at night. Can't sleep. Something has been stirred up.
I am in a fairly new relationship with a wonderful man. This is so good. But, I have only this past year left a thirty year relationship. Every once in a while, something happens that re-ignites the anger and the hurt around that old one.
So, I meditate. I sit and say the mantra. Be Still, for I am enough. This was a major issue for me in those thirty years. I felt, rightly or wrongly, that I was never enough, never "right." I was "too much" or "not enough." Or too messy or too "in your face."
The point is that I let someone else define me. I did not truly love my own precious self. The meditation exercise has stirred this up: when I take the time to sit, to be still, I KNOW that I am enough. I am good. I feel connected to something larger than me and to this or any other 'relationship.
This is a small good thing. I think I will continue this challenge.
Oh, it was only nineteen minutes today. But, calming. Centering.