This evening, I meditated in a lying down position.  My Mantra was, again.  "Be Still, for I am enough."  My breath was full of sound, in and out.  Oceanic. 

Very relaxing.  I became aware of the utter stillness.  It is a deep silence. I bask in this. It is so different from my usual pace.Okay.So breathe.Say the mantra.

What was interesting was that memories of  painful past occurances came up.  I remembered times with my ex-husband--very specific moments with him and what they had felt like.  I observed.  Witnessed those times--without the huge amount of emotion I have felt about them, at other times.  Just, "yes, that happened.  And yes, I felt really angry (at the time.) Saw the situation.  And let it go.

Other memories, some that had been shameful, or angry or sad also percolated to the surface--but it was as though I was watching a movie...about someone else's life.Yes, again.That happened.Let it go.

One thought did upset my sense of  acceptance--I began to think about planning a trip to see my sons. OH, all sorts of body reactions to that one!  I suddenly felt I needed to go to the bathroom--my sister calls this "racehorse syndrome."  This is an old old response--and I think it signals anxiety.  Worry.  Will that be the "right" thing to do.  Very very interesting.  And I found my focusing AGAIN on the breath--oceans of air in  and out, very very slowly...I calmed my self  (and my bladder) right down again.  Oh, I can do that???

So, this was a different kind of meditation.  But, I felt very peaceful.  Quiet and ABLE to investigate some of these old situations that had been very triggering of strong emotions....and I investigated them with a feeling of equanimity.  Oh!  I like this.  And the same went for the initial anxious reaction to the thought about a 'future thing." 

Thanks!

30 minutes today.