This evening, I meditated in a lying down position. My Mantra was, again. "Be Still, for I am enough." My breath was full of sound, in and out. Oceanic.
Very relaxing. I became aware of the utter stillness. It is a deep silence. I bask in this. It is so different from my usual pace.Okay.So breathe.Say the mantra.
What was interesting was that memories of painful past occurances came up. I remembered times with my ex-husband--very specific moments with him and what they had felt like. I observed. Witnessed those times--without the huge amount of emotion I have felt about them, at other times. Just, "yes, that happened. And yes, I felt really angry (at the time.) Saw the situation. And let it go.
Other memories, some that had been shameful, or angry or sad also percolated to the surface--but it was as though I was watching a movie...about someone else's life.Yes, again.That happened.Let it go.
One thought did upset my sense of acceptance--I began to think about planning a trip to see my sons. OH, all sorts of body reactions to that one! I suddenly felt I needed to go to the bathroom--my sister calls this "racehorse syndrome." This is an old old response--and I think it signals anxiety. Worry. Will that be the "right" thing to do. Very very interesting. And I found my focusing AGAIN on the breath--oceans of air in and out, very very slowly...I calmed my self (and my bladder) right down again. Oh, I can do that???
So, this was a different kind of meditation. But, I felt very peaceful. Quiet and ABLE to investigate some of these old situations that had been very triggering of strong emotions....and I investigated them with a feeling of equanimity. Oh! I like this. And the same went for the initial anxious reaction to the thought about a 'future thing."
30 minutes today.