I don't recall ever successfully meditating. Actually, I don't remember ever even trying to meditate. As an experiment, I will include in my posts here the wandering of my mind as subtext. (Subtext: I love subtext.) (Whoa, metta.)

I was reading Harper's one day about two weeks ago (which one? I am at least three months behind. Also? I really should clean out the magazine holder in my bathroom. Of course, that would mean admitting that I haven't read the 13 back issues of Fast Company in there.) The beginning of Harper's always includes a ton of random correspondence between people I've never heard of, and I always wonder how the editors actually came across this junk to begin with. One of the pieces was a list of stereotypes of various nationalities included in a memo to the Olympics organizer types. It said (and I paraphrase) something about Russians thinking they have the same sense of humor as Brits (or something) and Americans seeing time as something to be saved or spent, like money. (Was it Russians? Probably not. Someone from Harper's is going to see this and correct me. Oh, who am I kidding? The Harper's people aren't reading this. They probably already know how to meditate.) (I would like to write for Harper's.)(What, did they say about the Australians?)

I am one of those Americans who thinks time is a commodity. I save time, I spend time, and often I have something I think is important to show for it. Or I have nothing. Or I have one thought all day long that is worth thinking, and I assume, well, that was a day well spent. (I do not consider having done laundry or made dinner to be particularly worthwhile, and isn't that funny, because if I didn't do those things, I would be running around naked and hungry and a hell of a lot lower on Maslowe's hierarchy than some overprivileged American who is warm and dry despite an impending Midwestern snowstorm, who worries about the state of her psyche rather than where she is going to sleep tonight. Sometimes I really make myself sick.)(Subtext: Self-awareness can be a real thorn in my side.)

I'm going to begin my process of meditating for 28 days on Feb. 1 because Courtney Martin asked me if I would, and I think Courtney Martin is really cool. (Subtext: I am not cool.) I am not sure I will be capable of twenty minutes without a thought in my head. But I will try, as this is interesting to me. Can I clear it all out? Should I? Would I be a better person if I could?

(Does it matter?)