Over the weekend, I did core meditations, then I read the next chapter of Sharon's book, which was about walking meditations and whole-body meditations. I haven't done a walking one yet, but I've done two full-body ones, where you basically lie on the floor and go through your whole body feeling each part and identifying what's going on.
A few weeks ago, I wrenched my back -- really my lat under my arm -- shoveling snow. I pride myself in being pretty injury-resistant -- I have a lot of strength from years of lifting weights a few times a week, so I was shocked when I hurt myself so bad I couldn't even breathe without pain just by shoveling snow. It made me feel very old.
Since then, I've gradually worked back up to this week. Yesterday, I did the elliptical machine and used my arms for the first time since the injury. I noticed my back definitely was still injured, but I didn't hurt myself worse. Today, I did a cardio/weight workout with three-pound weights instead of the usual five and did the sit-ups the cheater way (as I see it) instead of lifting my knees off the ground. When I finished, I did my whole body meditation.
The first thing I noticed was my head throbbing. I am fighting off a cold, and workouts hurt worse than usual this week. Also, the two weeks off from my normal exuberance has set me back in terms of stamina. I noticed this as I lay there on the floor. I was breathing harder than expected and my head literally pulsed as my breath and pulse returned to normal. I noticed my jaw clenched and my tongue rammed against my teeth. And I felt a twitch where I'd injured my back, but not a spasm.
I was thankful as I lay there that my body is returning to normal. One of the things Sharon talked about in her chapter was catastrophizing. I catastrophized a lot a few weeks ago when I injured my back. I just turned 37 on Saturday, and when I injured my back, I felt old for the first time in my life. I thought maybe this is it. Maybe I'm on the downward spiral. Instead, I should've thought I hurt my back. Better take it easy a while so I don't re-injure it.
So today, I felt thankful for the coincidence of the book, the meditation, the birthday and the injury, because I can frame this all as just what it is: I hurt my back. And now I'm letting it heal.