Yesterday I was very angry. After work, I had to go to a meeting across town, about a 25-minute drive. I'd just read the next chapter of Sharon's book about lovingkindness meditations.

I admit to not getting as much out of any meditation in which I have to do something -- I much prefer the focus-on-the-breath-and-clear-your-mind variety. But I was having such a bad day for some reason that I zapped all the lovingkindness right at me. I made up my own sayings: May you be healthy. May you be happy. May you have grace. May you have peace. I was driving -- I was totally aware of the world around me, so maybe it wasn't "real" meditation -- but this is what I can manage some days. I repeated those phrases to myself over and over until they were just a bunch of words hanging in my brain.

One thing I noticed was that when thoughts did start popping in, they were thoughts about what I could do that would be fun. Sometimes -- especially in winter -- I focus so hard on getting things done and cleaning the house and doing the laundry and making sure my kid runs around indoors enough to sleep at night -- that I do a lot of things that are either productive or fun for her but not really for me. It's much easier to find things that are fun for both of us in the summertime. So maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me how to get happy.

I don't know. But it was interesting.