I seem to remember wondering last year if being more consistent/persistent with my meditation practice caused me to be more emotional. It certainly felt that way. But sometimes what I feel isn't as real as I think it is. Or, it is. And it isn't.
What I've realized more recently is that I've become more aware of the emotions I experience as I experience them. When I sit more frequently, I am more in touch with how I feel. And less likely to flee the feelings as they arise. More likely to investigate and even question them. Why am I so angry? Who is this me who feels this sadness so strongly?
These questions work in much the same way that age spot minimizers do, slowly dissolving the dark spots, increasing the light between.
(Funny, I don't question or investigate who I am or why I feel happy. But that would be worthy of attention too!)
This week I have been feeling tightness in my heart, churning in my stomach, waves of sadness, leaps of rage.
I find solace in walking and breathing, the knowledge that everything changes. I will not feel like this forever, I remind myself. This mood will lift as quickly as it descended, leaving some large or small insight in its wake.
This disequilibrium is apparently a condition of learning and true experience, according to theories of progressive education posited by the educator, John Dewey. I don't much like it. But I can live with it. As long as I can sit and breathe.