By Jonathan Kaplan, Ph.D.

Back in the 1980's, Quarterflash had a hit with the song, "Harden My Heart."  It described the emotional experience of a jilted lover who was steeling herself emotionally to leave a relationship.  While I like the song--and wonder why saxophones are no longer used in pop music--I particularly appreciate the felt-experience reflected in the phrase "harden my heart."  When we're in contact with our emotional selves, we can feel this contraction and withholding of love.  

Metta practice can often induce this feeling, too.  Naturally, it is to be expected as we extend loving-kindness to people that we dislike.  However, it also pops up when we extend caring, love, and compassion to ourselves.  Both personally and professionally, I've seen this "hardening" of hearts many times.  It's a reflexive process and outside of the realm of conscious control.  In most cases, we can tell ourselves that we're deserving of these qualities, yet it still doesn't do the trick.  The walls still come down when we're tested.  Fortunately, there are a few ways to help us soften emotionally at these times:  (1) we can imagine ourselves breathing through the heart; (2) we can extend the metta blessings towards an image of ourselves as children; and (3) we can visualize the metta wishes being extended towards us from a loved one, like a partner, child, or pet.  These strategies can help "soften the heart" and allow us to feel deserving of happiness, health, safety, and love.  

Have you experienced any emotional difficulty with metta meditation?  If so, how do you address it?