I got back from my baking intensive adventure last night; it was exhausting at times but I’m grateful to have had the experience. On top of it, I got a bad head-cold. Fortunately I was taken care of: the universe placed in my path many vegan/vegetarian places to eat. I gravitated towards them like it was my nature. Not to say that I eat terribly, but my first thought isn’t always vegan or vegetarian, though I've started to see benefits. I was also taken care of by one particular sous chef, who kindly made me one of her home made natural cold concoctions. It was delicious, worked like a charm for a good nine hours. When I got home I tried duplicating the recipe but it wasn't quite the same. Now I am back sniffling, aching and stuffy.
I did not have access to a computer the whole time I was away but kept notes of my meditative experiences, and of course my emotions. One thing is clear, many times I think, I am what I feel. If I’m feeling sad, I can’t remember being consistently happy; if I’m feeling inadequate, I’m eternally stupid, if I'm experiencing justified anger, I’m feeling the world is and has always been against me. What the heck is up with that!
Feelings aren’t facts, and yet at times I believed what I felt without compassion. I gently and imperfectly meditated despite my exhaustion, the cold, and tsunami of emotions – most of which I could’ve done without – but sooner or later realized it was best for me to just watch and suspend judgment. Easier said than done but I was successful at trying. Thankfully I brought along the emotions track, allowing me to listen to another voice instead of my old tapes. I went away to bake, but the last few days have totally been about health, both inner and outer.
And, upon my return, my partner and I sat, as we commit to doing when things are not in sync, and talked about our emotions: the truth and perception of it all.
I have to say the biggest thing I missed was this community and reading everyone’s experiences. However, the lack of access provided its own focuses and inspirations.