Day 1

This is my third year and I have to say I have dropped out pretty quickly the first two times. This year, just like the last two, I vowed to really do it–to put aside 15 minutes or so each day and follow the guided mediation and to read the book as I went along, a pot of tea waiting for me at the end.

I am reflecting on the reasons I gave up the last two years and I realize that I’ve always given up when it didn’t go perfectly. So I would miss one day and feel like everything was ruined and just give up. I ended up feeling like a failure–the exact opposite of the sort of self-care I was seeking. It backfired because I was too rigid and expected everything would go exactly as planned and got mad and actually punished myself (with negative feelings) when it didn’t go perfectly.

Tonight I am realizing what an unrealistic expectation I had for myself, and I am setting some new goals for the next 28 days and for all the days I have. I am going to be nicer to myself. I am not going to assume that everything is going to go exactly as planned. I am going to do my best every day to juggle all that I am doing, and some days this will involve a check in the box beside each planned task, but some days it will not. That’s OK. I’m not going to give up because it isn’t perfect.