It’s Feb 2nd. I am late. I feel guilty for not taking the promise I made to myself to be disciplined on this challenge. I have tried the Jan 30-day yoga challenge with Adriene and only managed to fit 3 classes with this cute doggy and her yogini.
I forgot about the challenge and went to spend the weekend with my nephews. I had such an amazing time. Their love allowed me to not think about these 2 days at all.
At home, I feel this meditation is on my to-do list. I grab my laptop, my meditation cushion and isolate myself in my bedroom.
The guilt is on my chest. I can feel it when Sharon says to bring my attention on where the breath is easier to feel. In my heart center. I feel fear. Fear of being rejected, judged, questioned because I am not watching TV downstairs with her. We are not spending time together even thought I was away this weekend. She is my person. Whenever I need help, even when I don’t need help, she is there. She is like my mum, my brother. She is family but not blood related… My brain reminds me this every time. I fear losing her. Like I lost others who gave me so much love and then walked away without looking back.
With my breath I ease myself into my fear, imagine myself as a child, take my hand, bring my inner child on my chest and reassure her. No one can reject you except you. You are enough. You are loved. You can allow yourself to have some me time. She will never be angry at you for that. She will never be angry at you for taking care of yourself.
The practice ends, Sharon invites me to open my eyes. The fear is still here, but now that I know who she is, what she does to me, I can start addressing this. Healing this wound of rejection. One breath at a time…
Let me catch-up on day 2!