Day 14, just listening to the dish washing meditation triggered fierce opposition. A reminder of how I feel trapped in a deeply unsatisfactory feeling life, followed by a reminder that my mind is creating this story line and I can change it, followed by a powerful sense that change is impossible. I wanted to run away but since it is impossible to escape myself I stayed put. Again.
Now, I remember why I have started many meditation initiatives but never stuck with them. The initial optimism that meditation will improve my life is always followed by a chaotic period where I feel like meditation is actually making my life much worse.
Growth emerges from discomfort and I must face the discomfort. Maybe I won’t make it through and entire dishwashing but maybe I can make it through one breath. Breath by breath I choose to face my unpleasant thoughts and feelings and not run away in panic.
When the habitual mind inevitably bites, maybe I can ask it to please wait and take a breath while I take a breath. Then we can accept what is together and take the next breaths and steps forward more harmoniously together.