Do you struggle to stay awake during meditation?
Of all the things that I experience during my own practice, sleepiness is rarely my struggle.
What I’ve struggled with more often is showing up too actively, too much as the “doer” during my meditation.
After a year of learning and practicing, my meditation itself felt balanced. Not striving towards something or “gripping” and breaking the glass as Sharon mentions today. Not falling into mindless relaxation and letting go carelessly.
But my back hurt. A lot. And often after just 15 minutes on the cushion.
I tried new cushions. I tried different ways of sitting. I wanted to do it right. But there it was, the stitch under my right shoulder blade.
Suddenly it dawned on me: maybe I didn’t have to hold myself up.
Was it possible that I could let go and just let gravity and the cushion do the work for me?
Blame it on years of conditioning in a Type-A lifestyle but until that moment I had no idea how much work I was putting into “actively” sitting on that cushion.
Has my back pain gone away completely? No. But it’s gotten better. And that experience of relaxing into that space between “doing” and “not doing” has brought me closer to moments where I feel a connection with myself and the rest of the world.