Fear in rage and fear in joy

So I had picked a moment that made me happy in the past, and a moment of rage, and as I examined each to watch the shifting emotions, I noticed fear in both.

In the joyful moment – which was a realization I was about to take a leap of faith – I felt lighter – weights falling off my back – and I felt joy, as if I had been handed an incredible gift. There was also some apprehension, because (as is kinda normal with leaps of faith) I was about to change everything in my life: what will happen? Will I be okay? I hope so, because no matter what I’m doing this! It was similar to that moment when you are just about to get on the rollercoaster, and you know it’s going to be scary but it will be all right.

In the rage moment, the fear was about loss, grief, and a lack of control: my life is changing and I don’t want it to!

Fear is necessary, I know – we have it to keep us alive. But if I’m not running away from a fire or a dangerous mob, there’s a good chance my fear is a bag of other emotions, and those emotions could be grief, sadness, uncertainty, doubt or maybe anticipation –

And maybe the next time I feel fear, I can stop and unpackage it, and see if my loss is a loss (or a deadweight I can put down finally), if my uncertainty has boundaries, or if my anticipation is keeping me in the future instead of the present. (In the joyful time, I’m happy to say I was still in the present, but moving towards my goal.)