‘Do you want to be right or show mercy?’ This soft thought landed today while nursing anger at my sister for her deep-seated judgment of me. When our phone conversation turned tense under a barrage of bitten-off accusations, my breath left in a whoosh, my heart rate thundered; feeling attacked, old habits of fleeing or defense ached to be exercised.
Early morning meditation echoed with Sharon’s admonition that there’s no need to shove anything aside (regardless of how it felt) and helped me steady my breath to stay listening. A little wedge of space opened to hear under the words, note the tightness in my sister’s voice, the pain of her own constriction.
I want mercy. More than anything. And in that moment, when the thought landed, the decision felt effortless. I’ll give in, do what she wants and let go of the insinuations. Exercise pre-emptive loving-kindness during this 28 day meditation challenge. All this will cost me is open-handedness and compassion.
Just like that, the entanglement of familial tension loosened, like a solid dissolving into steam. Not a resolution, but a way through this quandary nonetheless.