The last week. Yes, meditating every day makes a difference, though it’s certainly elusive and subtle. This week, I realized that out in the real world, things work backwards. For example, if I don’t say to my husband of a difficult person, “This Time, she behaved Very Well, as compared to, say three years ago when she…..etc. etc. ” if I don’t speak to him or another person about whoever I’m judging, I don’t always seem to think my judgmental thought either. So by default, the tendency to judge disappears – however gradually – because, perhaps, the thought in my head just fills the space with something that isn’t pleasant, whereas, if I let it out, I get great perverse pleasure in reminding my husband how dreadful that person is (as compared, say, to his lovely and lovable wife!) But the thought residing unspoken in my head gives no pleasure – so it seems to slink off, knowing it isn’t wanted.
Of course this isn’t always the case – there’s the fact that I do go on having judging thoughts, most of which of I don’t express, because I’m ashamed of them, or because they’re so trivial I forget them. If I don’t express them, they are not just discomforting, but also boring, as they are almost always about the same two or three people or things. So on buses that take forever I have a trick to prevent the unwelcome judgment of the driver and all the people who take forever getting in, or of the ones who run for the bus which waits for them (people like me, in other words). I close my eyes, so absenting myself from my nastier self.
It has been a great pleasure to read Real Happiness and Sharon’s blog and do this all month. Thank you for the chance -LC