I notice my feet as we walk to my chair, I hear the scuffle of my slippers. I want to go into my 20 minute sit today without expectation, for me it’s so easy to subtly desire a sit to be “peaceful” “lovely” “pleasant” you know, a day can be stressful, hard, difficult so is it that much to ask this of a meditation? But today I say, let’s just stay present, be mindful, notice everything there is.
I set my timer and promptly notice a few hairs are tickling my face. I mindfully move them away. The back of my neck really itches, I notice myself scratching it, until the itchiness is gone. I feel into my body, my hands are chilly resting together in my lap. Or…it’s one, in fact, that feels cold against the other. Hm. I didn’t know they were cold. My breath. There it is, such a comfort to feel…it gently moves into my chest expanding it..then smoothly it goes… out, I notice my shoulders sink down a bit.
Suddenly I hear loud, heavy footsteps and the sliding glass door downstairs. I feel my body’s quick clench to the noise. The man I live with is over 6 feet tall and close to 200 lbs. There is nothing quiet or gentle about his movements (think handsome caring bull in a china shop) …There is plastic rustling. A drawer bangs open. Loud clanging of metal, a clunk of ceramic. I hear the toaster knob pushed down. I notice my chest moving with a breath coming in… Oh, there are the padded paws of our Lab. I hear them walk to the kitchen. Then I hear the lapping of water and her metal tags jingling against the metal bowl. Hm, she was quite thirsty I note.
I am not disturbed. This is my experience. It’s not difficult or annoying, I don’t notice aversion at all, I don’t wish it were different. I’m sensing, experiencing life in these moments. Footsteps thunder across the floor, outside, creaking porch boards, then fade to silence.
My breath is smaller now, tiny in fact, but I try to sense it- all of it… I bring my attention to my hands-they are warm now, quite warm…maybe too warm–I let them be…
I hear traffic. I hear some birds. A chicken calling out repeatedly. I notice my breath is in a rhythm, a thing of it’s own now, I feel like a sleeping baby looks to me.
The gong goes off.
The quality of my experience right now is gentle, still, aware, alert, velvet-like.
I feel a smile form on my mouth. I bend forward with hands to my face and think: I take refuge in the Buddha. I take refuge in the Dharma. I take refuge in the Sangha.
The bathroom door slams shut downstairs…
