I look to settle in on a word. I chose in-out, in- out as I have used them in this practice every time. I continue in-out, in-out then I change the words I use rise-fall,rise-fall. I use both terms in-out, rise-fall. This brings a subtle difference in my experience with in-out, in-out. I feel my body connecting with each breath. The awareness is slightly different and brings me closer to the external world. I hear the slight noises so I bring back the familiar in-out, in-out. I become annoyed with the new sensation of sound just by changing the term from in-out to rise-fall, its as though these two terms bring me closer to internal and the other to the external, the body, the noise. So I change my mind. I use the word love. Love…l…o…v…e, it connects.I feel content. The breath is now. The breath is. The breath.
Its like I’ve found a new way of having patience, as love itself contains. With rise-fall I was losing my patience. The noise of the crunch, crunch, crunch of popcorn….he’s eating that on purpose….crunch, crunch, crunch…..he knows I’m meditating. So I go back to love. The breath becomes disconnected with the word love. I feel the breath moving, becoming its own entity. Love surrounds the breath. It fortifies the breath. It connects internally and externally. It reaches further than the rise-fall or in-out does. It lives everywhere. The breath is free. It is life. It is love.
In this session, I change the words I use. I have always used the in-out, in-out but now its love. It shows me a different place, the breath lives everywhere. It is everything. So, in all the years I have practiced, I have never been able to connect internally and externally with the breath. All by choosing the word love the practice, for me, has changed. It is bigger and smaller, it has floated on its on. It has taught me to try something different. I may “see” something I would have never seen, all because I chose a different term to move the attention to the breath and move with the breath thus achieving an organic movement of the breath. I am closer to the breath. I move with ease, I have found a little bit of the peace I seek, by the word love. It surprises me but it makes sense. Love is not tangible nor is the breath and both are vital to what is life is made of. Right? This makes me smile.
