This month is ending too soon. I hoped the Challenge might be a good framework for returning to daily meditation practice, and it has been that and so much more.
Truth is, my life is significant only for its losses, some uncommon and truly terrible; but there is pain in every life, and every moment is new, and we are only in that moment for as long as it takes us to notice it, and then it is gone, and then a wee shimmer of infinity between and then you are in a completely new moment, one that has never been and never will again, and just when you realize it, it is over.
This is what has changed my understanding of myself, my life, and pain, along with, “It is not YOUR anger. It is just anger.”
I did not expect healing, but I can see now that I hoped for it. I am not sure “Why now?”; I am just sure. So I am beginning again, as always. And this time, I am doing so with new respect for myself and the process, because I am just being a human. No matter how entrenched in failure and loss my circumstances and my thinking may become, I am always beginning again. Whether I intend to or not.
It is not a glamorous talent, stubbornly refusing to stop breathing, but it does prompt me to keep seeking.
And so, I am thinking I will continue my daily practice by beginning again on March 1. I would love to try each meditation again, one each morning, now that I am more centered and grounded and alert and open. In the evenings, I will work with a few chosen meditations for a few days at a time, or until I have learned each one well. Then I will practice daily, and bring more order to my life. Then I will write stories again for a while. And then I will go on retreat.
Thank you all for sharing so honestly, with humor and tenderness and anger and frustration, in your wonderful blog posts.
May we all be safe. May we all be healthy. May we all be happy. May we all meditate at ease.