It has been a while since I have blogged, but i have been pretty good at sitting for the 20 minutes. And what I am so thrilled to notice is that now there is this beautiful feeling of "Welcome Back", as if my awareness is there as always, waiting for me to join her, where ever I am sitting, (on a plane last week-eyes closed, in the car yesterday-eyes open! (yaeh I know you "hope so"). It feels like a she, and it feels like something so soft, comforting, and motherly. My meditations, on their own, have been fascinating, each so different, incredibly insightful, and for the most part they have left me feeling calm, aware, able, but the accumulative affect has created this "presence" that is comforting, unconditionally loving, accepting. It feels like there are TWO of us. I don't feel alone, and It happens immediately as I begin, as this "Welcome back, I'm still here." Oh it is sooo great!
I had forgotten about this state. I felt it years ago when I sat retreats more regularly. It feels like a mother giving undivided attention to her child, who only has to breathe, that that is enough to keep her attention. I mean really, how loving is that?!
I do something alone, like breathe, but the noticing me breathe feels like something separate from the breather, in a way, kind of, sort of. Who cares there my brain goes trying to capture it exactly into words. For me, it is a delicious mother's comfort.
