Full disclosure: In my other web-life, I blog at Uneasy Pink. I am not trying to be icky self-promotional here, just trying to offer context. Since my breast cancer diagnosis in 2008, I have become increasingly immersed in the culture surrounding the disease – the good, the bad and the ugly. Or maybe the support, the co-opting and the branding. In the last couple of days, a breast cancer Goliath has been receiving a whole lot of criticism for some funding decisions. I have been frantic since then — trying to get my messages out there while people are paying attention; striking while the proverbial iron is hot.
It has been exhilarating. And thoroughly exhausting. But apparently only to part of me because the hamster on the wheel has been running day and night. I seem to be utterly unable to unhook from it. And in the process I am becoming unhinged.
I had hoped by removing myself from my laptop and taking myself to a yoga class, I might make some progress. I got there this morning and the teacher I was expecting to be there was home with a sick child. No blame, of course, but changes of plans can upset my unstable apple cart pretty easily. I'm happy to report though that I had moments of not even thinking about my current obsession.
That was like a vacation.
My greatest insight today was that I can't stop that hamster, but I can stop hopping on the wheel with the hamster, or maybe even stop thinking that hamster IS me.
Hoping for that wave of calm…