You don’t have to name, just feel. This paraphrase of one of Sharon’s teachings captures my presence to our shared practice since last I posted.
First, I should say that I am a being for whom naming almost IS feeling, or to feel is to name, that’s how closely the two are twined (twinned?) in me.
What I have been feeling is rage, and then again rage, and –oh, more rage, which explains my absence to the page (sorry for that impulse to make a little couplet …..)
Accumulated over months of pushing down hurt, disrespect to my person, healthy anger, rage rushed in, a tsunami raising waters just now beginning to subside. ( Not-pretty stuff swirling around in them.)
So, I have sat, felt, but have not been able (or willing) to name, or even approach naming how my practice has been.
To capture rage in words is to be more vulnerable than is safe for me– in recovery from of too much vulnerability to beings who–like contemporary congressional Republicans (and the Roman Catholic Church) –respond to your respect for their rules by making more rules.
Metta practice has been my redemption.
I wrote: Choosing love over fear is the only path to redemption in the cover of the journal I began on December 22, 2011 (that would be the morning after my waiter stole my work bag with last year’s journal, my laptop, ipad, cell phone and reading glasses)
With choosing love over fear is the only path to redemption I humbly concur on Valentine’s morning, 2012.