Really, a challenge

So I owe a few posts in these last few days of the meditation. It won’t be one every week, but it will be at least four in four weeks. One of my challenges is to manage my time better. To prioritise and to do less, better and with more mindfulness. It really is a tough one. On the flip side, doing rather than thinking about doing is something I am also working on. As ever, I suppose that finding the sweet spot is the key. And accepting what is, not trying to create an alternative reality. Another challenge.

Really, today pushed a lot of my buttons.  During the day, my heart raced and I desperately tried to keep light and keep the hurdles I encountered in perspective. It’s just a home loan, it’s just a house purchase, it’s just time. It was so hard. But when I was travelling, I tried hard and succeeded to get four or five breaths without thoughts racing in. But I basically failed. I didn’t really feel calm or happy for most of the day. But I was very aware that there was a way to get that feeling, through observing and breathing. But I couldn’t really get there. It was frustrating.

In the very end, I found a way. By prioritising a committment to teach yoga, rather than cancelling the class or finding someone else to cover it. To stand in front of others, to commit to breath and space and movement with breath. As one of my teachers says – fake it till you make it. And guess what – through this I genuinely found the perspective, the calm and the distance to take a really challenging day, accept it and find joy despite all of it. I do feel very grateful.  And like I achieved something today. And I am happy to have somewhere to share that feeling. Namaste, fellow challengees.