I was dead to my emotions for as long as I can remember. I numbed myself to any emotions I felt. I thought emotions were signs of weakness. I couldn’t afford to be weak. At least that’s what I told myself. I viewed emotions this way until I stopped feeling them at all. My Just Rolling with It journey’s put me back in touch to them.
For this I’m grateful. I recall when I shut myself down to my emotions. It was a conscious choice. I was young, probably around 8 or 9 years old. I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. The light from the hallway was shining in on me. I was in pain. I was hurting. I felt alone. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. The only was I knew to stop the pain was to stop feeling.
So that’s what I did.
I started to ignore my emotions. I became numb to them. I channeled them into my stomach. I’m still recovering from the lifelong stomach issues I experienced from doing this. Then I started drinking to numb the emotions. When that stopped working, I started Just Rolling with It. I’m learning the power of fully experiencing the full range of emotions. Fear is a big one for me. Anxiety’s there too. Joy entered the picture too!
Sitting in meditation with my emotions pierced the numbness. It’s the bridge toward experiencing them in my day-to-day life.
Emotions are becoming a powerful ally on the Just Rolling with It path. The good, bad and ugly are all present on the path. I’m learning it’s OK for them to be there. I say hello to them. I experience them. Then I say goodbye to them.
Then they come back and I do the same thing again. Life feels richer and more complete as a result.
For this I’m grateful too.