Sunday Feels Like…

Today was about continuing the journey into sensations. How does the body feel? Focus on your hands. Right now. What does it feel like? What do they feel like? So, I sit down in a different chair in my home. I listen to Sharon’s voice. I breathe, I focus, I listen some more, I get distracted, I refocus. I know the drill now. The rinse and repeat. The laundry machine cycle of my mind. It is welcomed and I make time to do this thing called #Commit2Sit. I am not rushing away, even though my mind is on fire making a million excuses for why that would be a really, really good idea. Sharon continues. She talks about different sensations, feelings…I hear only half of it before my mind drifts off to my day, my tasks, my obligations… ( I will have to re-listen to this day tomorrow!) but I do not move. I committed to sit. And that is what I will do. Bare minimum. To be still. To focus as much as I can and be as gentle as I can with my ‘swinging-from-branch-to-branch-monkey-mind’. And so I do. I savour any micro-moment of discovery I may have and then it inevitably happens: I have this moment where the sensations rise up and I acutely feel sensations in my feet, then my hands, then my lungs, then my breath. Right when I feel connected and content, I start to feel proud of my Inner Zen Buddhist and just as swiftly this open space in my mind is filled with swarming thoughts. Bzzz, bzzz, bzzzzzz. But I continue on in spite of the distractions. Just one breath…I finish today’s practice feeling less proud and filled with purpose than ever before. But I think to myself:  “Tomorrow I will return” and then “I will have no expectations”.  I smile to myself. Baby steps, Collette. Baby steps.

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